I had to
by themanemmaloves
Summary: Captain Swan modern AU. Emma and Killian are both detectives and long time partners. Rated M for trigger warning: violence.
1. Chapter 1

I had to

She was late for work that day. Swearing at every taxi that drove by and running like crazy, Emma tried her best to get to work on time. At least today. It's been a rough week, she barely got any sleep but her boss won't care about that.

20 minutes. She was late 20 minutes. After listening to another session of her boss, mr. John, yelling at her, Emma approached the table Killian was sitting at.

„What did he say today?"

„The usual. Although his vein did kinda pop out more then it usually does when he got to the 'be late again and I'm firing you' part. It was creepy."

He chuckled, and stood up, walking over to the murder board.

„Got anything new today?"

„Nope. No location, no idea of knowing when the hostage swap will be held. We're basically nowhere."

He clenched his jaw and tried his best not to lose it. Emma placed her hand on his shoulder and added:

„Hey, Killian. I know it's hard for you to be on this case, but we'll get through it."

He smiled, his face immideatly lightened up and he said:

„I know. It's just that... Every time I look at his bloody face standing on the board I get naseous. And the bare thought of not being able to find him..."

„Killian! You can't think like that."

„And how am I suppoused to think? We've been on this case for over a month and we're still on square one, Swan. There are bodies piling up all over the city and we're on a deadline here. We have two more weeks before we get taken off this case."

„Excatly, two weeks. We've been through worse. We'll find him."

„I hope you're right."

„Always am."

Killian smiled and his face softened again. They both spent the day at the precient, going over the same files and reports at least ten times but finding nothing. Killian got more and more frustrated by the minute.

Emma wanted to reassure him, but there was no point. They really were nowhere with this case.

She hated seeing him like this. For the 5 years she's known him and been friends and partners with, he was always a different person when this case comes up. The case with the mob who killed his mother and sister, but he could never prove it.

At around 12am, when they were both running on coffee, Emma dragged out Killian to grab a bite. He clearly hasn't slept in days and barely eats.

„Love, where are we going?"

They walked arm in arm through the city. Well technically, Emma dragged him around the city to his favourite restuarant that worked all night.

When they finally came to it, Killian smiled. She knew him so well. They knew preety much everything about each other.

Stolen glances, casual touches and intimacy were a regular part of their lives. They never worked on it, never got a chance to despite how much both of them wanted to.

Between her job and her son, Emma barely has time for anything. And as many times as Killian wanted to get closer to her, he got scared and walked away.

After finishing their meal, Killian drove Emma home, as usual. He dropped her off at the alley, a block away from her house, because she needed to buy something.

„See you tomorrow."

„Of course, love."

He drove away and she walked towards the shop, when a tall man with dark hair and scary posture stood in front of her, blocking her way.

„Excuse you?"

He said nothing. She tried to walk around him but he moved and stood in front of her again.

„Sir, I'm only gonna ask this nicely once. Can you please move away or do I have to take out my gun?"

He still said nothing. Before she could reach for the gun, she was grabbed from behind. The scent of alcohol on her lips and nose was the last thing Emma rememberred before passing out.

* * *

On his way home, Killian's phone rang. It was Henry, Emma's son, calling.

„Henry?"

„Hey Killian, sorry to call you this late but do you know where my mom is? It's almost 2am and she's still not home."

„How is that possible, I dropped her off half an hour ago in front of the shop near your house?"

„Well she isn't here. She never made it home."

„Bloody hell... Henry stay where you are, I'm gonna be there soon."

Killian hung up before Henry replied. He turned hiscar aound quickly and drove back. The alley was empty. The only thing he saw in the near was a black car driving away. He rushed upstairs to get Henry.

Once he finally got to the door, he knocked violently.

„Henry, it's me. Open the door."

Killian could hear Henry running and once he finally opened the door, Killian pulled him tightly to his chest and let out a sigh of relief.

Still confused, Henry wrapped his arms around Killian and asked:

„What's going on? What happened to my mom?"

„I'm not sure."

„Killian, you can tell me. I can handle it."

With doubt in his mind, Killian first sighed deeply and then responded, arms still lingering on Henry's shoulders.

„Listen lad, your mom... I think she might've been kidnapped. This case we're working on... It's complicated and she might be in grave danger."

„What?"

„I'll find her, I promise. She'll come back home safe and alive. But we need to get you somewhere safe first. You can stay with me tonight but what about tomorrow? I can't work on the case and keep you safe at the same time."

„Umm, my mom's friend Ruby. She lives in town, not so far from your house. You can take me there tomorrow. Who took my mom? Is he going to hurt her?"

„I don't know Henry. I wish I could tell you no, but I don't know. We have to go."

They ran out of the house and early in the morning, Killian dropped Henry off at Ruby's and then headed back to the station.

After an unpleasent conversation with the Captain of the precient, he stormed out and started yelling:

„Alright, I need all available units searching the town for Detective Emma Swan. Last seen on the corner of West 60th and Columbus Avenue. Potential kidnapping. Main suspect by specualtion is Robert Dawn. He's in his mid 50's, tall, dark hair. He's very dangerous and very quick, so you have to be careful. Go!"

An entire mess started happening in the tiny building. Rookies, policemen that happened to be by, they all formed units and scattered all over the town.

With Killian as a leader and the search after Emma began.


	2. Chapter 2

I had to

„Detective Jones?"

„Got anything?"

„No. We searched a ten block radius from where she disappeared. Every abbandoned building, every basement, every alley... Nothing."

„I searched all the possible locations the mob hid previously on. Found the same. Keep looking, spread to a fifteen block radius. If you find nothing, keep going."

„But, detective, we never go any further then ten blocks."

„Well I'm the lead bloody detective on this and I say keep going. We have to find her. My unit and I will search other locations in the city where there have been reported mob meetings, potential drug drops and such. Go, now."

The policeman immideatly listened and left the precient. Killian was completely out of his mind. The last time he saw Robert in person was a decade ago, when he watched him take his mother and sister away. He was only 18, a kid. His father left them all when he was still a toddler and so Killian was left all alone after that.

He found a job at a local shop and babysitted in his free time to get more money and finish college. And here he is now.

Robert took enough from him and he wasn't going to let him do the same to Henry. The lad still didn't fully recover from finding out what his father did to his mom.

It's been 3 days since Emma was kidnapped. No sign of her, no new leads, they were still nowhere. Henry asked every day for her, desperately waiting for a better answer he never got.

Killian didn't want to lie to him, but he kept him out of harm's way as much as he could. A cop stood in front of his school every day and made sure he left home safe, he visited him and Ruby every free moment he got and asked each time if he should put protective detail on them. Considering Ruby's boyfriend, Graham, is also a cop and lives with her it was unnecessary.

* * *

Today, the fourth day, he decided to go where this entire mess started for him. His birth place, Long Lake in Hamilton County. He moved to Manhattan years ago, but he rememberres the place as a beautiful little town, with not too many citizens, calm and happy, also perfect for night walks by the water.

But he never went back. It was too much to live in the same house he watched his mom and sister get taken away and he was unable to help them. He sent units there years before, but he only believed in his own searches. So he went back by himself. It was a long shot, even if they did hang out there before they could've moved ten thousand times by now.

Who knows? Maybe they took Emma two states away by now. But if there was even a small chance they took her here, he wasn't gonna let her get tortured or God knows what else they planned for her.

His town was still beautiful, sun shining and birds chirping was a typical state of it. He parked his car by the lake and once he stepped out, some kids and his past friends started running to him, hugging and kissing him as he just stood in surprise there. He left without saying goodbye and yet they all ran into his arms when they finally saw him again ten years later.

After all the talks and reunions, Killian walked away from the crowd with his old friend, August.

„So man, what brought you back here?"

„This case I'm working on. It involves the mob. They kidnapped my partner."

„Sorry to hear about that. What happened?"

„They were first planning on having a drug drop in Manhattan, we couldn't find the location and when it was ananounced on the news who the lead detectives were, they probably decided to have some fun with it and kidnapped my partner. It all happened because of me. If I hadn't given their names to the feds..."

„Hey, you did the right thing. At least now they know who they're looking for."

„Yes and now an innocent boy might lose his mother and I my partner because of it. I can't let him go through that. He's a bloody 15 year old."

„You'll find a way from preventing that. If I can be of any help, call me. But I need to go now. Dad needs help with the new house."

„Thanks, mate. Say hi to all your family for me, will you?"

„Of course."

They parted ways and Killian immideatly headed towards his old house, or what was left of it.

The window of his old room was hanging off the side, the doors were smashed, fine wood the house was made off was almost completely rotten. No one touched the house in years, except for the thieves who snuck in to steal what was left of their property. Sloppy job they did. Prints everywhere, he could have them downtown in less then an hour but what was the point? Nothing tied him to this house anymore.

It was completely empty and abbandoned. He rememberred how crowded it would be over the summer. It was a big house with a lot of bedrooms and his family would rent out some rooms when they were in need of money. His friends would come here constantly to hang out. Countless nights were spent on the roof, watching the stars and telling jokes, getting wasted were some of the best memories he had of this place.

But now it was useless. Emma was clearly not here and neither was Robert or his gang. There was only one place worth searching in this town and that was the only other abbandoned house here. It was a two mile walk from his house, located somewhere far in the woods.

Many tales were told about that house when he was a kid. Some said a psycho lives there, others yet said it was built on a graveyard. The real story, that he learned after joining NYPD, was that that was the first house ever built in this town that still holds. Beautiful, huge with three floors and a basement, formerly used as a rent house for visitors but now it's just an abbandoned place kids sneak out to to have a smoke at.

The walls were crumbling from each side, every window was ripped off and it honestly looked scary. No power, dark corners and rats were the only things found inside. That's when he noticed stairs that led to the basement. Lights flickered somewhere below and eh knew he wasn't alone.

He reached for his gun and slowly walked downstairs, step by step. He saw another door and he walked slowly towards them, hearing quickend breathing from the other side.

He grabbed the doorknub and pushed them, walking into yet another dark room filled with rats. Only this time, at the end of the room, he saw Emma.

She was tied to a chair, beaten and clearly tortured.

„Swan?"

He ran to her, kneeling down and tried to untie her. Her head was falling to her chest and he grabbed her face, saying:

„Emma... Emma! Look at me, you're safe now. I'm going to take you home."

„No."

„What? Come on, we have to get you up."

She struggled, moving his hands away from her and he couldn't understand why. And that's when he felt a gun grazing his neck. The cold metal sent chills through his body and he immideatly raised his hands and stood up then turned around only to face him. Robert.

„And we finally meet face to face again. Jones."

„Let her go."

„Gladly. If you can trade your life for hers."

„Killian don't."

Emma added from the back, her voice cracking and sounding almost like a whisper.

„Let's take this to another room shall we?"

„Killian don't you dare do anything stupid."

„You'll be OK, Swan. Don't worry."

The two walked out in another room and Emma was left behind.

„What do you want?"

„Already told you. Your life for hers."

„That simple? You promise not to hurt her."

„If you stay here, hand over all the weapons you have on you and without any trickery admit your defeat. And I finally get to murder the man who presented me to the public and set an example for others."

„Done. And how am I going to be sure she's home safe?"

„Call one of you friends to get her. That August kid and you seemed preety close. Call him and tell him to come to the graveyard down the hill and when you get a call back, you'll know she's safe."

„Alright. Can I see her now?"

Robert nodded. Killian entered the room Emma was in. He needed to play safe, he knew she would flip outif he told her about the deal.

She yelled for two days after he went after a serial killer alone. Now, it would be twice the worse.

„Hey, Swan."

„Oh thank God you're OK, what did they say?"

„We've reached an agreement."

„What agreement?"

„I go to the feds, negate my entire story about them, completely drop their case and we walk free."

„Both of us?"

„Yes, love. Both of us. Now let's get you up."

He threw the rest of the rope to the corner of the room and then helped her get up.

„Can you walk?"

„I can. Thank you for coming to get me."

„I seem to never fail at that."

They laughed, and slowly exited the room. Three men, including Robert, waited outside. Emma noticed Killian's grip on her arm loosening with each step until he finally let her go.

Confused, she turned around to look at him. He was grabbed by the two men and Robert started leading her outside.

„Killian what the hell did you do?"

„I had to. Sorry I lied, Swan. You need to go to your boy. Don't worry about me."

„Killian, I'm not leaving without you."

„You've no choice."

She stepped towards him, wrapping her arms tightly around him and kissed his cheek. Then quickly, slipped something into his back pocket without anyone noticing before she was ripped away from him and dragged outside.

Killian was sat in the chair Emma was tied up in only minutes ago. Once they got the call from a very confused August, Robert brought in a camera to the room.

„What the bloody hell is that for?"

„Oh just a little movie we're going to send to all your friends in NYPD, FBI, CIA and everyone else who is looking for us. They're going to watch what happens to those who mess with us."

Killian clenched his jaw and tried to struggle out of the ropes but without success. Robert bent down to his ear and whispered:

„Let the show begin."


	3. Chapter 3

Robert was sitting opposite of Killian in the room and he just smiled at him, which confused Killian.

„You're dying to know aren't you?"

„Know what?"

„What I did to your mom and your sister?"

He clenched his jaw at the mention of them.

„Since you're about to die, I'll let you die in peace. I killed them. Both of them. And took my time with it."

„Stop talking."

„Your mother screamed after your sister when she watched her getting stabbed over and over again. Until I finally slit her throath. Then, neither of them screamed anymore."

Killian started struggling out of his chair, his face turned completely red and he fumed with rage.

„I will kill you you bloody bastard."

„And how do you plan on doing that again? To me it looks like your hands are tied."

Killian felt like he was about to explode. Pressuare built in his lungs and his only thought was killing the man standing in front of him.

Robert got excatly what he wanted. Got him frustrated, acknowledged that he owns this game.

„Now smile, movie star. Plenty people will be watching this."

Robert ordered as he held a knife pressed to Killian's neck and forcefully turned his head to have him facing the camera.

„Go to hell."

„Soon enough."

He pressed the knife harder, the blade piercing the skin and having Killian's breath hitch in his throath.

„Now that I've got everyone's attention. Let's start."

One of his men turned on the camera and Robert started.

„Sending hugs to all my favourite policemen, detectives and agents who have been trying to hunt my ass down for the past what? Ten years? Huh, Jones?"

He stayed silent. Robert's fingers got tangled in Killian's messy hair and he pulled it. Hard.

„Answer. My. Question."

„Ten years."

„Much better. Now... Here's the thing. My boy here is an example to what we will do to every last one of you, one by one, unless you do as we ask. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can take us. There's more of us then you can count. What my request is that you drop all charges against us, end all searches after us and erase all our names out of your and every system. And we both get to live. Except for Killian here, of course."

He laughed and then, in a split of a second, her dived his knife into Killian's skin, leaving deep cuts across his entire left arm as he tried his best not to shout.

* * *

Emma woke up in an unknown room. She could feel a chilling breeze that came from the was night when she woke up. No one was around her and she jumped out of the bed.

She grabbed the sweater she saw laying on the table and wrapped it around her shoulders then headed outside to see where the hell she was. The last thing she rememberred was some man standing in front of her, catching her before she fell.

„Woah, woah where do you think you're going?"

„Where the hell am I and who are you?"

„I'm August, Killian's friend. You're in no state to walk or go anywhere. You're too tired."

„And you're in no position to tell me how I'm suppoused to feel and what I should be doing, only I get to do that, so get the hell out of my way before I punch you in the face."

„You do realize you passed out two hours ago? I had to carry you for two miles."

„Thanks for that. Now how do I get back?"

„At least eat something first."

„I have no time."

„You have no strength to walk."

„I'm walking right now... Away from you."

She walked pass him but then he said again:

„Why are you like this? Emma... Please. Killian doesn't want you going back there."

„Since you appearently didn't notice, I don't really give a crap about what others want me to do. I only care about what I want to do. And right now, that is saving Killian. Also, he sacrificed himself so I could walk safe. Why do you think I would do any less for him?"

„Excatly. He sacrificed himself so you would be safe. I know the guy, he told me to back way too and I listened, why don't you. There is no need for both of you to get hurt."

„Hurt? He wants to kill Killian, you do realize that right? As long as I have anything to do with it, that is not happening."

August sighed, seeing how pointless all his words were and then said.

„OK fine, you're right. Your life, your choice. But at least take some of this bread my mom made on our way there."

„Our?"

„Killian is going to kill me when he realizes I didn't drive you home. Plus he was my best friend when we were little. I planned on getting back for him when you went back to New York"

„He's not going to kill you and you're not going. No need to put you in danger too. Take care of your mom. And thanks, again."

„Are you always this bossy?"

She grinned at him, taking the bread he offered her and he added:

„Just head down this same road until you reach a graveyard. You will see a hill on your right. Climb it and on the other side you will see the house in the meadow. Good luck, Emma. Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

„I am. Thanks. For bringing me here and for the bread."

„You're welcome. Be careful."

„Always am."

She walked away and he looked at her until she disappeared behind the huge tree at the turn down the road.

* * *

The walk was long, and she was already preety tired when she reached the hill. Sweat dripped off her forhead, her breathing was uneven and her legs trembled a few times. Probably because of the fact that she was sleep deprived and barely ate anything.

When she got to the top she pulled out her gun and then carefully started heading towards the entry of the house.

She managed to walk silently pass the first guard standing on the stairs that headed to top floor. He was probably exhausted, his eyes were closing despite his struggle to stay awake.

The second guard was in front of the door Killian was locked behind. She couldn't walk pass him, that was the only entry. There were two options – to distarct him or to go through him.

Distracting him would take time and there was of course the risk that the other guard would wake up. Plus she had no time to lose.

She took a deep breath and loaded her gun, then in quick move, turned around from behind a wall and faced the guard. Before he could say a word, she smacked him on the side of his head with the gun and he fell to the ground.

She was prepared to shoot him but, with his forhead bleeding, he was clearly going to stay knocked out for awhile.

Emma could hear Killian gasping and shouting in pain. He's been inside for a few hours now. And the bare thought that this is all happening to him because of her, tore her apart.

She didn't know if there were more people inside, so she was going in blind. She took down one guard, but that didn't change the fact that they were both still in grave danger.

The door was unlocked and she had already grabbed the doorknub, all she had to do was push them and go inside. And so she did.

Her jaw dropped when she saw Killian covered in blood. It dripped from his face, his hands, his arms and even neck.

„What the hell are you doing back here? Mike? John? What the hell are your useless asses doing?"

Despite his yelling, he got no response. When Emma tried to punch him with the gun, just like she did with the guard outside, he grabbed her hand.

He was a lot more experienced then her. He twisted her hand, causing the gun to fall out of it.

„Stupid girl."

Robert laughed. He pushed her back into the wall, knocking the air out of her, and then reached for her gun as Killian yelled:

„No!"

He had untied himself and held the knife Emma gave him in his hand. Then, he ran up to Robert and tried to take the gun from his hands but he failed.

Drained of a lot of blood, beaten and tired he didn't have enough strength to fight him. Robert pushed Killian off him and down on the floor then pointed the gun to his face.

Not moving it, he used his other hand to turn the camera towards them.

„Now for the grand finale... I bet everyone is jelaous that they didn't get a front row seat like girlfriend over here did. So sad..."

He placed his finger on the trigger and a loud bang echoed the room.

Robert fell dead on the ground with a hole in his head and behind him stood Emma with another gun in her hands.

„The first thing you learn on the job - _always_ bring a second gun."

Killian laughed, well, as much as it was possible with broken ribs and a somewhat teared cheek.

„Are you OK?"

She bent down and tried to help him get up. He held on to her tight, and she didn't stop holding him tight until he was somewhat stable on his feet.

„Mostly. Are you?"

„I'm awesome. Now let's get you to a hospital. Just keep quiet until we walk out, one of the dudes fell asleep on the stairs."

„What about the other one?"

„I knocked him out."

„Nice, Swan. But why did you risk coming back here?"

„Why did you sacrifice yourself for me?"

„You know why."

„Then you do too."

They both smiled at each other and walked out. He had his arm over her shoulder and she held him like that until they got away from the house.

„Rest a little bit here. Long walk from the car. I'm gonna call a Long Lake unit to pick up the body and hand it over to us in our juristiction. It is your case and it deserves to have your name in the 'solved by' column."

„ _Our_ names, Swan. I couldn't have done this without you."

„There was one moment when I thought it was all over. I was running down this road and I thought it was too late, that he already killed you. It made me realize something."

„What?"

„Our lives as detectives are always on the line, every hour and every day. Today we're here, tomorrow we may not be."

„And?"

„I don't want to not be here tomorrow without you hearing me say something."

He grinned, knowing what she was about to say because he wanted to say it too.

„What would that be?"

She started stuttering, the recognizable insecurity appeared on her face once again. There was a hitch in her voice and it felt like her words were eaten by fear at one point.

„I..."

He waited patiently for her response that appearently just couldn't escape her lips.

She was sitting so close to him, her face only inches away from his. He could feel her heart beating faster and he noticed how she avoided to look directly at him.

His hand reached her chin and he had her look up at him. Then suddenly, his lips ere pressed against hers. They both got lost in the softness and the fulfilling feeling it gave them.

Emma backed away for a moment to process what was happening and then dived back in, kissing him with more passion and not realizing her elbow was grazing his ribs violently.

„Ow! Ow!"

„Sorry, did I hurt you?"

„It's alright, love."

„So are we... All good?"

„We are."

„Uh-uh. What's that face?"

„What face?"

„Your 'I learned something really terrible but I don't want to bother you with it' face. What happened in there?"

„My family. He told me about them. How he killed them and tortured them. I scraped the rope with that knife bit by bit, every second I got. I was going to kill him myself. Just like he killed them."

At moments like this, Killian was absolutely terrifying. Mostly, because Emma knew he truly would do all that. When it came to the people he loved, limits were non existent to him.

„I'm so sorry, Killian."

„Don't be. The bastard is dead and at least now I know my sister and mom aren't tortured by him anymore."

They both sat in silent for awhile. Dirt got all over their clothes but they didn't care. Emma's hand reached for his at some point and they just looked at each other but still didn't speak.

Emma looked away. She had to, the anxiousness in her stomach was sickening and it was becoming too much.

„Everything alright there, Swan?"

„No."

„What's wrong?"

„You."

„Me?"

„Yes."

„And why is that?"

„Because I love you."

„How is that my fault?"

„Seriously?"

They both started laughing now.

„I'm kidding, Swan, relax. I know the feeling."

„What feeling?"

„You frustarting me. When you're standing so close to me that I can feel your breath on my skin... When I hug you and the feeling of you in my arms lingers... When I try my best not to kiss you in the precient... When you wear that bloody dress that drives me insane... When you smile and light up the room... But the thing that tears me the most, is going to bed every night knowing I never told you these things... Never told you that I love you."

She was left speechless. The ugly feeling was gone and she was just overwhelmed. Blushing too.

„Well then, considering you won't be able to move for at least two weeks, I might visit a lot just to continue frustrating you."

They both laughed, again. It was their way of getting through a tough situation-

„And after that, maybe we could go out for dinner or you know, something like that."

„Sure. And then maybe you could come over and we could watch movies with Henry?"

„Yeah. It's a date."

Emma kissed him again, gently this time. Her lips only brushed his but it was enough to make him melt.

He was confused to why she kissed him, but her smile shined on her face and she said:

„I had to."

They sat down waited for the unit and the ambulance to come for about an hour, just talking and enjoying each others company.

Killian recovered soon and started working again. Everyone in the precient was happy for him and that he finally closed this case. One of the guards gave up the location to where the rest of the gang was hiding.

Emma and Henry were reunited and neither of them could've been happier then they were in the moment they saw each other again. Emma promised she would never leave like that ever again.

Henry wouldn't stop thanking Killian for bringing his mom home.

Killian and Emma remained strong. Their relationship progressed and so did their success as detectives.

And after that? Who knows? They probably moved in together at some point, got married and started a family. But the most important thing was that they were happy and they continued frustrating each other for the rest of their lives.

* * *

 _ **The end.**_

 _Reviews?_


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